Today our son Conor would have been two years old. We should be getting ready to celebrate with him and his two sisters, but we can't, and it feels so utterly unfair.
I know you could make the point that if we'd been able to keep Conor, we might not have had the girls. You can certainly say, and we agree, that losing Conor has made us more committed to being the best parents possible for Amy and Erica. We're stronger for it. Nothing could possibly be as painful as losing our son, so we're able to face bigger challenges.
But it doesn't change the fact that we miss him and it breaks our hearts that he's not with us.
I know that, with time, this will get easier. For now, we'll carry on. As hard as this time of year is, we refuse to let it break us. We have too much else to be grateful for, like our two wonderful daughters who will grow up knowing that they have a big brother always watching over them.
Today we're bringing Amy and Erica down to the beach, where like last year, we'll sit and talk to Conor, and release a balloon for him.
Happy birthday, Conor. We love you.