Mar 30, 2017

Checking In

Feels like an age since I had a reliable blogging schedule. The black dog is really kicking my ass. I'm doing okay, generally; therapy is going well, and my current course of antidepressants has milder symptoms than the first one I was put on. I was on Xanax for a while, but I've been taken off it now, which means I'm more alert but also means my morning anxiety is back. Mornings are a special hell of heart-pounding, sweating, shaking, gagging stress.

There's also some family stuff going on which I can't really go into too much detail on right now. I can talk privately about it but it'll be at least another month or so before I know how much I can say publicly. Suffice it to say I'm facing up to the realities of emotional abuse.

Writing is going poorly. I'm trying to find a balance between self-care and productivity, but whether it's been the side-effects of my meds or exhaustion from anxiety, I've been finding it very difficult to keep to a proper schedule. I am so afraid of letting people down. More than that, I miss how good it feels to make progress on a story. To watch the thing come alive as I type.

I'd be lost without the support of my friends, and my amazing wife.

These are issues I've been keeping locked up all my life. I know it's going to take time to come through this, but I still want to be the author I know I can be. Thank you all for your support and patience. I'll try not to take too long with the work ahead.