Apr 13, 2017

Beginning to Heal

I started treatment for my anxiety and depression back in January. The first course of antidepressants I was put on had some severe side effects, so they were changed when I next saw my doctor for a check-in.

After eight weeks, and some very rough times and hard-learned lessons, I think I can feel my new medication begin to work. I still have unpleasant side-effects, but I'm starting to feel more like me again.

This doesn't mean I'm 100%, of course. Today is literally only the second day that I've felt this way in... well, longer than I can remember right now. I still need to take things easy and not overburden myself.

I need to let other people be the hero for a while longer.

I've found it difficult to allow others to take charge and help me. It's not something that comes naturally, for all kinds of reasons that deserve their own post to explain. But I am thankful for the support and love I feel from my friends, both near and far. I have never needed it more in my life.

The truth is, what I'm currently going through genuinely is harder and more painful than when we lost Conor. And I never thought anything could be harder than that. But there it is. Maybe it's because this is a fight I've been hiding from for so long. Maybe it's because it's led me to question so many assumptions I've made about the events of my life that made me who I am.

I want to come out of this a stronger, wiser, refreshed person. Who can be there for the people he loves, let them be there for him, and crank out the best damn books you've ever read.

My Patreon is still stalled, but I will get it going again, and put in additional content to thank my backers for their patience and understanding.

Lady Raven Part 4: The White Raven will still be out this year, hopefully even in time for the originally-planned October release.

I just need to look after myself, as well. I have a long road ahead.

1 comment:

  1. It may be a long road, but you're on the right path, Paul. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.